Where Has Jimmy Been and The Wittenburg Door Green Weenie for 2005!!!!!!

January 21, 2006

On a recent business trip to Montgomery, AL I was in my motel room early in the morning and flipping channels and there he was, Jimmy Swaggart, on TV again. I had not heard much from him since his spiritual tail spin back in the late 80’s, but there he was selling his Expositors Bible for the entire 3o minute program. But apparently he has been doing more than selling bibles. His recent comments about killing gays landed him in the number 11 spont on, The Wittenburg “Preacher Police Blotter”

Here’s the transcript: “I get amazed, I can’t look at it but about 10 seconds, at these politicians dancing around this, dancing around this, I’m trying to find a correct name for it, this utter absolute, asinine, idiotic stupidity of men marrying men.” (shouts from crowd)

“I’ve never seen a man in my life I wanted to marry.” (shouts, applause) “And I’m gonna be blunt and plain, if one ever looks at me like that I’m gonna kill him and tell God he died.” (laughter, applause) “In case anybody doesn’t know, God calls it an abomnation (sic). It’s an abomnation (sic)! It’s an abomnation (sic)!” (applause)

“These ridiculous, utterly absurd district attorneys and judges and state congress and ‘well, we don’t know’… They ought to, they ought to, they ought to have to marry a pig and live with them forever.” (laughter) “I’m not knocking the poor homosexual, I’m not. They need salvation just like anybody else. I’m knocking our pitiful, pathetic lawmakers. And I thank God that President Bush has stated,” (applause) “we need a Constitutional amendment that states that marriage is between a man and a woman.” (applause)

Swaggart did apologize, but Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy what were you thinking?

But the coveted “Green Weenie award for 2005 goes to Pat Robertson. Here is the award notice from the Wittenburg Door.

“As you might imagine, it has been a BANNER year for religious foolishness, by people with no aim other than to make a buck in God’s name. Our stable of wizened media wizards, political wonks and necromancers have been meeting around the clock, trying to narrow the list.

As of a few minutes ago, our exhausted troops finally came to a fateful decision, as the news arrived: Israel is pulling out of a $50 million deal with Pat to build a biblical theme park by the Sea of Galilee. Seems Pat’s remarks about Sharon’s stroke really teed off the Israelis, the US government and American Jewish groups.

We’ve got no choice gang, Pat Robertson forcefully seizes the day yet once again to claim his rightful prize: The Wittenburg Door Green Weenie for 2005!!!!!!

Congratulations, Pat! No single human being has done more to damage the cause of the Cross in a single year since the hey-day of the Inquisition!!! “

And to think, this guy wanted to be President!


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